Chapters 3 - 5: Diary Entry

Dear diary!

The last few days have been very interesting for me because I learned many new things.

At first, I have to mention that the newchild arrived a few days ago. Lily was very delighted when she saw him and she was impressed by his “funny eyes”, like she said. She compared them with mine but I didn’t like that. The light color of the newchild’s and my eyes were a rarity in the community, I only saw a young girl who had these eyes, too. So I took a long look to Gabriel’s eyes to find the effect of them to another person. This observation let me find out the eyes gave their owner a different look, a deeper one. I guess, I felt better after this but I don’t know how to value it and how much attention I pay to them.

Yesterday, I did my volunteer in the House of the Old. I washed an old woman named Larissa who was really nice. She began to tell me something about the release of Roberto, a man I also knew, I helped feeding him a few weeks ago. So I asked for the celebration of the release because children aren’t allowed to come and see one and for this reason I didn’t experience one as well. She told me that every celebration begins with the telling of someone’s life, after this followed the toast and everyone raised his glass, they cheered and sang the anthem. Roberto himself performed a good-bye speech and some other people said a few nice and kind words to him to wish him the best. Unfortunately, she couldn’t answer me exactly when I asked her what on the actual release happens. She only reported that Roberto leaved, as all the others did before, in the Releasing Room, but he looked happy and content. I liked the story and listening to her.

However, the more important thing for me happened today. As usual, we talked about our dreams this morning and so I had to mention what was strange for me this night. Instead of dreaming rarely and only in some separated pieces of a dream, I dreamed a whole, complete dream this night. It was very strong and emotional. I was in the House of the Old with Fiona again. What I felt in the dream really wasn’t easy for me to tell to the others. I just wanted Fiona to take off her clothes, get into the tub and to bathe her. But Fiona, of course, laughed and didn’t want to do this. I knew she wouldn’t do it and I guess I knew kind of that she shouldn’t do it. But the strongest feeling has been this wanting her to be naked.

Thereupon, Mother explained to me, this experience was my first Stirrings. Now I have to take some pills every morning like Mother and Father do it every day. They would stop the Stirrings. A little bit later when I leaved for school, just taken a pill for the first time, I still could remember the dream. But when I rounded a corner, the dream memories slipped away and I couldn’t get them anymore. Nevertheless, I’m not sure whether I like this effect of the pills. At least I was delighted by the dream and the feeling was more a pleasure than an agony or something like that for me. Maybe I will talk to Mother and Father this evening again about the pills, whether I could leave them out because I don’t know whether they do a favor to me.

I will report more later on. Jonas